by Brian Ashcraft

"If you stick around, there's gonna be a talk show at 4:30 pm," says a girl wearing a slinky red dress and heels. "And they'll be talking about the game."
"We've got manzai tickets," a short college student-type replies. His friend stands by, arms folded, gripping two slips of white paper. Tickets, I assume.
"Nana Natsume will be making an appearance."
"Who's Nana Natsume?" he knee-jerks.
"She's the biggest adult video actress in Japan," the Red Dress clicks off. "Don't you want to see the biggest adult video actress in Japan?"
"Guess the manzai can wait a little bit."

Guess so.

South Osaka, in front of Namba Yes!, a showcase for the Yoshimoto Kogyo theater, the country's most influential comedy institutions. Wonder why all the famous comedians are from Osaka? Who invented the word "manzai"? Thank Yoshimoto. Me, I don't have manzai tickets and haven't heard of this Nana Natsume, either.

Across from the Yoshimoto theater with its orange awnings, I'm in line, a very short line albeit that, to play Ryu Ga Gotoku 2. There's a small trailer filled with HD monitors and PS2, providing a sneak peak before the game drops December 7 in Japan. It's the sequel to Ryu Ga Gotoku, known as Yakuza in the west. Earlier, I had contacted Sega Japan, requesting an interview with the game's producer, Toshihiro Nagoshi—famous for creating Super Monkey Ball and being really, really brown.

The girl in the slinky red dress is now talking to me, asking me if where I'm from in c-lear-ly en-nun-cia-ted Ja-pa-ne-se. Oh, you're from Dallas? She then tells me she lived in Tex-as, for a year. Lub-bock. Still clear as crystal and annoying.

Standing there, in that red dress, chatting me up, telling me she's going back in February. I'm the only person waiting in line to play Ryu Ga Gotoku 2, and Sega's hired out this girl to make sure I have a good time. It's like I'm at a hostess bar, minus the bar and the bar tab. So, this is how you promote a third-person sandbox brawler. All that's missing is an interview with Nagoshi.

Regarding that, Sega's reply was a polite, yet firm "no." I offered to send questions in Japanese if there wasn't time to meet face-to-face with Nagoshi in Osaka. Trying a work around, I asked Sega of America if they could help, and they politely declined as well. Okay, he's a busy man. He's got games to make, white clothes to buy. But it wasn't that I couldn't interview Nagoshi, it was that I couldn't interview him about Ryu Ga Gotoku 2. Period. Why? Sega hasn't decided to release the title in America, and I, living and paying taxes in Japan, fell under overseas press. Thank writing in English for that.

It didn't matter that anyone anywhere with a computer can easily access what I'm writing. The internet, it seems, has borders. And those borders follow things like domestic release dates for PlayStation 2 games. God forbid, people outside Japan read an interview about a game they cannot buy. Imagine the chaos when a customer goes into their local EB Games, asking for a copy of Ryu Ga Gotoku 2—only to be told it's not available.

She's now asking me if I've ever been to some anime convention in Dallas. "I-'ve be-en. I w-ent in cos-p-lay," she tells me in crystal clear Japanese. Oh, yeah? Just as I'm about to ask her what she went as, the girl in the slinky red dress disappears inside, comes back out and shows me to my demo console inside the makeshift trailer. "L-et me k-now if the-re a-re a-ny pro-bl-ems." 'K lady, thanks. She slinks away in that red dress, heels and all.

While the original title took place in Tokyo, Ryu Ga Gotoku 2 is set in Osaka. Historically, the Tokyo region (Kanto) and Osaka's (Kansai) have historically been rivals of sorts. Though, people in Osaka are more acutely aware of this rivalry. Ryu Ga Gotoku 2 attempts to capitalize by pitting the baddest yakuza in Tokyo against the toughest Osaka gangster.

I'm crawling through the Dotonbori, beating the tar outta some old dude. For all the chatter I've heard about the Ryu Ga Gotoku being slammed together from left over assets, so far, I'm enjoying it. So is the frumpy woman next to me, who's pounding out combos as she kicks some dude's teeth in. The opening stage I'm roaming around does look like Dotonbori—even if, the area that you can wander is greatly restricted, too much so. But yeah, sure, the game's fun.

On a loud speaker outside, I can hear an announcement: At 4:30 pm, there will be a talk show with Nana Natsume. No Nagoshi? On the sign promoting the talk show, Nana Natsume gets top billing (even though she's a minor in-game character). Well, she is the biggest porno actress in the country. And Nagoshi, he's brown.

I shuffle outside. A crowd has been assembled. A special area has been roped off in the front. That's for press. Japanese press. Sega didn't offer a spot for me, so I squeeze into a sea of looky-loo's. Guys in Sega jackets stand in front of me, blocking my view. They've got a video camera and a digi cam, so they're good to go. I, conversely, cannot see anything, save for the back of their heads. In front of them, I can make out some reporter.

Observation: As long as Famitsu or Game Watch Impress show up, that's all that Japanese game companies care about. The rest, well, you can go stand next to the old men in itchy green sweaters and tourists from the countryside eating takoyaki.

Moving right, I can see a small enclosed room behind the trailer. There's a roped off walkway, leading to the room.

Tan whiteness.

Nagoshi has arrived. He ducks into that little room, comes back out and smokes a couple cigarettes. Like many Japanese men, he only smokes it half way before snuffing it out. He looks directly at me, we make eye contact, and then, he immediately goes into that little room. Just wanna talk, dude, just wanna talk.

On stage, a woman, also in white and high heels, starts talking into the mic, announcing Nana Natsume. It's not "Nana Natsume," big time porn star, but just "Nana Natsume." That's the same Nana Natsume, a man in a business suit informs his friend, "that is in some movie where they draw a target around her butt hole in red magic marker."

Swell.

I'm off to the side, watching that enclosed room. A man in torn jeans emerges. He had escorted Nana moments earlier. He's carrying a Louis Vuitton purse. No doubt, Nana's. I've never seen a real porn star before, let alone a porn star's purse. And let me tell you, tacky.

The Lady in White calls Nagoshi to the stage. Smattering of applause. He seems nervous, and its difficult to hear what he's saying, because the sound system is shit, and I'm standing next to old men in itchy sweaters and tourists from the countryside eating takyoyaki and not sitting down front and center with the guys from Famitsu.

"We didn't have a lot of time," Nagoshi says. "And it was difficult, but Sega wanted me to put out a sequel, and I was happy to do so." He's now talking about the "human drama" element. And that it is essential in the game. The old guy next to me in an itchy green sweater pops open a cup of vending machine sake and sips away.

"Osaka and Tokyo are rivals. But I really haven't been to Osaka that many times," Nagoshi confesses. "A lot of my staff is from Osaka, though."

The crowd is at a standstill. Now, the Lady in White is rattling off info about the game. She clutches a piece of paper. A press release, likely. And seven minutes later, just as the assembled crowd looks ready to disperse, she announced a "very special guest" and the Nagoshi-solo bit is done. Just over six minutes by my watch. Next up:

Ladies and gents, Nana Natsume.

She appears from the side, decked out in a fedora and shorts. For a girl that had a target drawn on her anus, she looks disappointingly "normal." And from behind, there's a push of bodies, real close. Clapping, lots of polite clapping, loudly. The cup of sake lingers in my nose, and I can make out the faint smell of oil. Everyone has out their cameras, camera phones and is snapping away.

It's difficult to see and hear what's going on with the mob of bodies and stupid comments emitting from those bodies. I'm pressed close to a business woman, holding an arm full of press releases. Sega PR, I assume. She's inches away. I stick my camera in front of her face, and snap off a round of pics.
Nana's talking about her initial meeting with "Nago-san" (cute, he has a nickname). "I was so surprised when I met him. He was brown and white. And he was wearing sunglasses."

Nana's wearing all black and sandwiched by the two in white. It's like some bizarro Oreo cookie.

I press sideways, accidently spilling vending machine sake on my jacket. Packed like sardines. Close, closer. More camera phones. Taking pictures. None taking pics of Nagoshi, but of Nana or Nana and the Lady in White. I'm in sausage party hell.

"I was kinda worried," Nana adds. "But everything turned out alright."

Moving through the crowd, I try to get closer, passing a greasy kid who's asking his buddy if he thinks Natsume slept with Nagoshi.

"Definitely."

The Lady in White is rattling off info about the mini games Ryu Ga Gotoku 2. There's bowling, golf, Mahjong, roulette and a UFO catcher. Nagoshi's now talking about the mini-games and about how players can run (and design!) their own hostess club. Nana mentions she likes hosts. Porno non sequitur.

Yet, instead I'm wrapped in a sea of people coming out of Yoshimoto comedy shows and trying to find "the best takoyaki" in Osaka (which is in my neighborhood, fyi). Honestly, over the crowd's white noise, I cannot hear what the hell they are saying on the stage anymore. They are simply smiling and laughing. It's like their are on mute.

Comments from the crowd I overhear:

• What's wrong with that man?
• Who's Nana Natsume?
• I have a couple of her videos. There's a threesome. She's cute.
• He's really brown.
• This is so boring
• Gross.
• You can't tell from what's she wearing, but Nana Natsume has big boobies.
• Look at that brown man.
• I don't know who these people are
• She does porn.
• It's some game thing.
• What's wrong with that brown man?

My watch says there's only a few minutes left in this thirty minute event. I keep squirming forward as Nana's talking, saying something about how she learned how emotional a game could be, blah, blah. Nagoshi's talking again, but it's difficult to hear what it is exactly and realizing that it doesn't even matter because those Famitsu guys down front and center are talking notes for me and you.

There's clapping, and like that the Lady in White is ushering them off stage, where Nagoshi loiters about and smokes. It's over. Like that, the crowd disperses, off to listen to manzai and eat takoyaki. I kinda stand around with a notepad filled with idiotic remarks innocent bystanders made and an empty feeling. No news, no decent quotes, fluff and wall-to-wall nothing. The girl in the slinky red dress comes out front to hand out Ryu Ga Gotoku 2 movie fliers. She never did answer my questions about that she wore to that anime convention in Dallas.

"Excuse me, you said you went to some anime convention in Dallas."
"Y-es?"
"What did you wear?"
"Wha-t d-id I we-ar?"
"The costume. You said you went in cosplay."
"A uni-form fro-m Toki Memo. I m-ade it my-self."
Gr-eat, th-an-ks.

Tokimeki Memorial. That's not Sega, but Konami. The girl, hired for this event, makes a "Shhh" gesture. It's getting dark, and I head off, making my way down the crowded Dotombori along a row of blowfish restaurants, offering deadly delicacies. No worries Red Dress, your secret is safe with me.