Kotaku
The day we've all been waiting for is here: the day when all of our virtual combat skills carefully honed through endless hours of Doom and Half-Life finally pay off. While our peers got good grades in school and pursued their now laughably-worthless MBAs and PhDs, we honed our minds and reflexes for the zombie apocalypse we all knew just had to come. The gelatinous cocoons of our flabby corporeal frames have finally burst open, revealing the bad-ass zombie killer gestating inside all along.
We don't know why the dead have suddenly awoken to feed upon the spurting bowels of our friends and loved ones. Perhaps the NASA space probe that streaked through the sky on the ides of March, seeding the earth with reanimating Venusian microbes has something to do with it. Maybe there's just no more room in hell. Maybe God wants to teach us a lesson. We don't really fucking care why the dead walk the earth. All we know is that Jack Thompson was right: video games have turned us into ruthless and efficient killers. And now we're humanity's last hope. Who's laughing now, Jack?
We're not going to lie to you here. If your last sight is two zombies playing the kissing game while gnawing at opposite ends of your intestinal tract, you're not going to be able to just pump another quarter into the machine. It's Game Over for real. This is Iron Man mode we're talking about. But until then, Kotaku's going to be here, giving you all the inside gamer's tips and tricks to make your last life count.
Comments
So it has come? Good thing then that I equiped my +1 +1 mace before I left home.
Slow news day huh, Kotaku?
Or someone is getting all Apocalyptic Mission Statement on us here.
Just remember the words of Jeffrey Lewis: "If you shoot the head you kill the ghoul".
In situations like this, we must ask ourselves "WWLD?" (What Would Leon Do)
What a nice story! I personally can't wait for my grampa coming back to my home! kupo
Finally, all of those years of training have paid off. Now if I can just find that cosmic triangle button, I can reload.
i can survive a zombie up riseing. i have this book. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400049628/103-5232446-56... and a battle of pure vodka. bring it on!
"This Door is Locked. The key hole has a green diamond just below it."
An April Fools Day zombie theme. Pure genius. :)
wait, Wepimpulse ... what do you mean by April fools day? I just took down a group of vicious, small, back pack wearing zombies with a garden hoe. I thought it was kind of odd that they kept asking me to take their cookies, but I figured it was a ploy. Please tell me what I just did was a GOOD thing!
hurah!!! UP, up, down, down, B, A, Select, Start heheh...no sombies killing me today- just going to sit on my stoop with my BFG and blow any living dead to bits. And plus i have a tendency to pull off the Aggro
Rooster - you did the right thing. Those Thin Mint cookies are an abomination.
Dammit, why do I walk like a tank all of a sudden? And why is it when I walk out of East side of a room, I somehow end up on the North side of the next one?
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